resolutionnine:

reviewed by Harold Chavez

Two years ago “Neighborhoods” was conceived by Blink 182 (Tom, Mark, & Trav (abbreviation for Travis)) and on September 27th of the year 2011, it was finally born. On its release date, I went out and bought it. I haven’t purchased a CD in years (because now I…

i sat and thought of ways to resuscitate the breaking clay, but by then it was too late. the water has been drained, the grains have been erased. your breathing echoes inside this big empty room. i’m shaking and can’t breathe from your touch of cold. like the blistering winds, you will return. i don’t scare easily but the seasons are changing without warning. feeling cold, but not from the weather. feeling old, but not from the aging. bones shiver from iced skin. tongues quiver from screaming words losing meaning. dreaming of the warmth before inevitable dissolution. before your body ceased movement. a touch; a poison to the skin. your words; through my bones are echoing. here lives a child too scared to sleep alone with the lights off. here lived a mother with a healing touch. our distance keeps us close. i’m weakened by my haunting ghost. a kiss; filled my lungs with air. your soul; so lucid inside my head. intangible presence resides besides me. a heart that misses its body the most. i’m weakened by my haunting ghost. 

currently enjoying this cup of tea. 1 bag of green tea and the other of st. john’s wort. both amazing. st. john’s wort works wonders. research it. it’s tag reads: Uplift everybody and uplift yourself. as simple and obvious at it is, it makes perfect sense. going to give it a try, others…been spending a lot of time at home writing poems and songs. some can be seen here. i’m not pretentious, just simplistic at times. by the way, the word ‘pretentious’ pisses me off. tomorrow i’ll fix my bike again and start exploring this shitty town again. but enough about me…how are you?

i made this flier for our show 11.14.10. going to be a different lineup than usual, but i’m content with how things are sounding. going to have 3 people singing instead of the usual 2. this gives me more opportunity to focus on 4 strings. come join us. 

the days don’t end while i live on this bed. shaken up from all the things that were said. i’m just a stranger, i’m not your friend. i’m the nuisance that abides inside your head. you’re the only drug i’ve ever loved. the only enjoyable delirium. in time the effects fade away and all i can do is complain. i’m the student and you’re my teacher. you’re my preacher and i’m the shameful sinner. like an immigrant you came on your own will. to escape a country that’s unsustainable. now you’ve gone back home where you had safety all along. i’m never satisfied with my way of being, so i’m perpetually evolving. i’m the helpless fly that spins in your web purposely. the days won’t end while i’m confined to this bed. the glue that held us together has long since melted. memories of times shared are now a delusion. memories of times when two parts were one. you’re the only drug i’ve ever loved. the only enjoyable delirium. let’s go back to the days when we thought this friendship wouldn’t end.

it’s not just a feeling. it’s the air i breathe. this prison cell that’s shaped like your body. i’ll try to escape in futility. when is it my time for discharge? i’ll try not to choke on these next few words, “you conceived my better half.” what happened to my anemone? i remember separating you from the poisoned soil. now my hands are tarnished. i drank you like poison and you healed me like medicine. you told me you loved me and my veins grew thorns. this world is my war, but your words: my defense. it’s not just a wall. it’s chagrin in a portrait. walls scar with the wounds i inflicted. they hide isolation, scarcely. no matter the distance, your voice still penetrates and this heart still pumps my veins with your nectar. i drank you like poison and you healed me like medicine. you told me you loved me and my veins grew thorns. this world is my war, but your words: my defense. i’ll pull-off a pedal from now until forever. 

as much as i hesitated, you cancelled my frowns with your smile. as much as i hated it, you loved me more than i could love anyone else. as much as i contemplated them, i never made the right decisions. as much as i hesitated, i awoke from a dream i held so precious. two birds killed with one stone. same two birds that lived in this home. now the person that lived here has died, and a new soul has come to reside. and now that it’s over, we can’t say we’re full of regret. and now that we’re older, we look back at what could have been. and now i sit at your opposite end, hoping to cancel my frowns again. and now that’s it over, i yearn for you, friend. two souls that wanted to stay. now these souls just fade into gray. the only force to stop us was time, but your presence will always remain in my mind. 

do i need to break my legs for you to show you care? can you at least see me when these flames begin to burn your breathing air? dived head first into the sweeping currents before i learned how to swim. ran out of breath beneath the surface, because i couldn’t find anything. now cordial thoughts become illicit when my torment stops by for diurnal visits. when i needed them most my arms ceased to work. i’m disappearing in the ocean like unwanted smoke. does my reflection scare you because you see yourself? you once said you hated yourself more than anyone else. completing the contemplated never seemed so right. this unwanted smoke translates the days into night. this cage grows as i grow; never enough to spread my latent wings. memories of you proliferate and the weight sinks me into the deepest end. i remember giving you a chance to breathe; you chose to take the weakest breath. when i needed them most my arms ceased to work. i’ve disappeared in the ocean like unwanted smoke.   

held it so tight that it died. this plant that i loved oh so much. its delicacy as fragile as its beauty. its fragrance enlivens like summer rain. i’ll try and sow its remains in hopes that it comes back to me. i’ll hold on till it dissolves in my hands again. roots still linger on the tip of my fingers. a tickling sensation empowers a hesitant smile. so please come back to me in the spring. till then i’ll sit here watching the soil with malice. till then let me live in the dirt with you always. 

this beautiful take on Dan Potthast’s “I’ve Set Sail” has been on replay in my head as well as on my speakers. by Toh Kay 

blood shot eyes conceiving an itch i can’t scratch away. i’m drinking up wells, the same ones we would dig together. while singing songs for ears that were never even there. and grain by grain, i’ll rebuild us this sandcastle. climbed monuments to get a better view of everything i was running from, just to be pushed off by the clouds i once laid on. finding your focus to not stay a stray. your misfortunes keep them so entertained. they’re oblivious to your secret collection of pain. please surrender a smile, so that i don’t go insane. recycled clothes on your back to keep you warm through the storm. help me burn down the economy-trees refusing us the air to breathe. please tame this animal. its bite has me fixed to the floor, and i’m running out of bones. and although you walked away, the imprints of your footsteps still remain. you were the friend that helped me release this everlasting scream. fires for shelters. tails for imbalance. claws losing grip. a flawed science.

(song performed by Suffer Along)

in time we’ll see your greed deplete, but until then we’ll live in dreams portraying our agony. living our lives with the fear of losing all that we’ve built, but it all amounts to nothing. this alienated labor has caused us to falter the voices of change we once screamed together. now is the time to break from this cycle that ruined our faith and left us in shackles. is this your country that’s parting? you’re losing autonomy? …i’m sorry. like flowers we grow but with imperfections in a system built without great intentions. the tides can’t wash our dreams away. with visions of change these ceilings erase, the now master’s tools won’t leave us the same. i can’t feel anything, my fingers are wearing thin. exhaustion consumes the mind of the prisoner you built inside. living our lives with the fear of losing all that we love that got us through the days. this alienated labor has silenced the voices opposing injustice we once sang together. now is the time to break from this cycle that ruined our faith and left us in shackles. is this your country that’s parting? you’re losing autonomy? …i’m sorry. like flowers we grow but with imperfections on soil leaving an adverse impression. this alienated labor has silenced the voices opposing injustice we once sang together. with visions of change these ceilings erase, the crash of this wave won’t scar us the same. i can’t feel anything, my fingers are wearing thin. exhaustion consumes the mind of the prisoner you built inside. the tides that we break, the lives we retake, replayed in my head so softly today. there’s no one to hear the songs that we sing , they won’t be remade again. we’re breaking the borders of distrust together. i’m breaking the borders of silence forever.

(song performed by Suffer Along)

a life so short and agonizing you can’t feel the pain. a day so dark,yet meaningful we create disdain of something great we were meant to love.rejoice in our great disappointment …you’ve done it before,you’ll do it again abandoned our families and killed all my friends.a sickness so apathetic to the lives that it takes, this world to justify the loss of our faith .screams don’t break the silence. lives without a glimpse of bliss. times of a darker era home…my place of distress. these prayers go unheard here.

(song performed by Suffer Along) co-written by Melvin Marroquin

take one step back this tension’s getting hot,this growing animosity inflicts me again.the deeper the breath the weaker i get. my struggles with hatred please try to forget.i suffer because i stray from self control,but the wounds i create i just can not ignore.now your cries become an elegy of the person that once lived inside of me. 
i swear it was only one time she held down hers, but i couldn’t hold mine. your tears flow down to create this perfect portrait of a broken image still engraved in my mind. it all ends right here,i crossed the line. i should have thought it out, but i guess i was wrong. im sorry,forgive me its come to an end. i asphyxiate myself in contempt.
same mistakes again and again. contemplating the loss of a friend. regretting the words that were said. understanding this sorrow we’re in.